


Like The Desert Waiting For The Rain

by sonicshambles



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, post Hell Bent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-11
Updated: 2015-12-11
Packaged: 2018-05-06 02:21:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5399252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonicshambles/pseuds/sonicshambles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post Hell Bent Clara holds on to one regret and on a detour back to the desert is given the opportunity to make it right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like The Desert Waiting For The Rain

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really happy with the ending we were given for Clara and all of the amazing Twelve/Clara moments in the finale. But there's that one thing we never got to see them do that I really wanted to write about.

When Clara first realized she no longer needed to sleep she attempted to establish a routine of lying in bed for a few hours each day just to maintain some normalcy. She was never able to fully fall asleep and most days couldn't even achieve peaceful resting so eventually she gave up. Me did sleep and Clara did her best in those quiet hours to not lose herself to the wrong kind of thoughts. She'd pace around the control room and plot their next adventure or read another section of the manual. During those long, lonely nights she slowly started to transform the control room into something beyond plain white walls. On mornings after nights during which Clara worked extra hard to keep her pain from consuming her, Me would discover a second level added to the room or a new reading area. 

Thankfully there were long stretches when Clara's new life consumed her to the point she was able to just focus on the present. Me had little interest in ever returning to Earth so they invested their time together in a series of whirlwind visits to distant planets. They explored and observed everything they saw and at Clara's insistence saved any day that needed saving. It was a good life for something she was never sure she could use that word for. 

But there would come a night too still and she would realize her frozen heart still managed a constant ache. It was a hard feeling to shake once realized and then she would fall into a pattern. She would slip and talk aloud to him while alone in the control room or reach behind her for his hand when she felt too lonely. Me grew to know the signs that Clara needed an epic sized distraction and would either find an entire planet at war or an entire planet at play depending on her own mood. They would stop a battle or win a dance off and they wouldn't stop going until Clara didn't have to force the smile on her face. 

Two things happened that made them both realize this cycle was only going to repeat itself until Clara did something more about it.

They arrived on a planet minutes after the Doctor departed having saved a beloved leader from execution by the now defeated invaders. There were feasts and celebrations that lasted until the next morning, all full of tales of the brave Doctor and his faithful companion. Clara silently invented a drinking game in which she took a large sip of her very potent wine every time the Doctor and his companion were described as a fine pair or a fine team or such brave and courageous friends. It lasted until she realized the unique state of her body made it impossible for her to get drunk. She slipped away to the TARDIS where several hours later Me found her curled up in their newly added library. 

"I thought you wanted him to move on."

Clara sighed and lowered her head, too overwhelmed by her own mix of emotions to look Me in the face.

"I did. I do. I'm - happy he has. He can't be alone."

"You don't sound happy."

Clara let out a bitter laugh. 

"My body may not act like it but when it comes to my feelings I am still very human. I am happy for him but happiness can sometimes hurt."

Clara watched Me exit the library and move towards the control room. Not wanting to be alone with her sadness she followed. 

"Where are we going?"

The answer was the second thing that eventually landed Clara, Me, and their diner shaped TARDIS back in the desert.

Me gave a big speech about being excited to visit the space version of one of her favorite places on Earth during one of her favorite time periods. It wasn't the first of its kind in space but after a series of issues plagued its predecessors this version had been incident free for several years. Clara should have put it together, especially after the cocktail dresses Me insisted they both put on, but when they stepped out of their TARDIS and into the Orient Express she almost passed out. 

She lasted an hour and then left Me surrounded by a group of her new best friends with a promise not to leave without her. As Clara walked through the sleeping car she worked hard not to look for him in the shadows. She stifled every hope he would appear with a champagne glass in hand, looking more handsome than ever before, but still entered the TARDIS with shoulders slumped when he didn't.

Me returned hours later with a flush to her cheeks that Clara knew meant she'd made a very special sort of friend. Clara smiled to see Me hum to herself as she attempted to run fingers through her tangled hair and calm it down. It meant she'd be too distracted for awhile to notice that Clara plotted their next destination instead of letting her resume her "Cheer Up, Clara" tour. 

Clara made it through the first few planets she picked out without arousing much suspicion. Me did make one comment about how familiar Clara was with each destination but Clara brushed it off as an eventuality. Their travels weren't always going to be about places neither had never been to. Everywhere they went Clara managed to slip away from Me and take some time to herself before they reunited in the TARDIS. 

It was on the tenth planet of their not "Cheer Up, Clara" tour that the truth came out. Me found Clara seated on the bank of the river just outside of town. The water was a deep purple color and the fish that swam in it all glowed in bright neon. It was an hour before the twin sunset and the sky was a mix of yellow and orange. 

"This is a beautiful planet."

Clara looked up just as Me settled down next to her.

"Wait until the stars come out. I've never seen brighter ones."

"Why are we here?"

Clara shrugged and swept her arm across the view in front of her.

"I thought you'd want to see this."

"Don't pretend we're here for me."

Clara scowled at the water and braced herself for either arguing away the conversation or letting the truth finally come out. 

"What are you trying to say?"

They turned to look at each other and instead of the scorn Clara expected, Me's face was a mask of concern and compassion.

"I know when you look at me you struggle not to see someone younger than you, someone who is just barely more than a child. But you still do and you think you can't talk to me or that if you do I won't understand. I have loved and lost more than you can imagine. I've buried family and friends and spouses. I've given birth to children and buried them too. I've walked away from all the loves of my life so they couldn't see me not age and I have watched planets and suns whither and die. I sat alone at the end of the universe for years. You can talk to me."

"Well now it just feels silly."

Me placed a hand over Clara's. 

"Love always is but that doesn't mean we shouldn't talk about it."

Clara was powerless to stop the tears that slid down her cheeks. 

"These are - all of these places we've been going to - they're where something almost happened. They're all the places we almost -"

"Almost what?"

"Almost forgot we weren't the kind to stop and - and God - even now it's so hard to say because of how hard we made it to think about. Every place we've gone is some place I should have kissed him or he should have kissed me or we both should have stopped being these idiots who wouldn't stop to do that."

"Clara -"

Clara cut her off because one she started talking about it everything she kept silent needed to come out. 

"Looking back none of our excuses make sense. There was always something more important to do or I didn't think he wanted to or he didn't think I wanted to or it just shouldn't happen because we could never really be together. And I know - I knew there was always going to be an ending but it makes it make less sense. I should have kissed him on the Orient Express and next to this river when the sun set and from one end of the galaxy to the next and done more than kiss him on the return trip. I should have done it every day knowing one day I wouldn't be able to."

"Do you think that's something you can just keep running from?"

Clara shook her head.

"I don't know what else to do. I feel like I'm being chased by regret - not over the big choice I made but all the smaller ones that came before it. And we had so much. We saw places together I couldn't imagine until I was in them and experienced so much in them.And I know - I know I should be grateful because just being here is more than I'm supposed to have. And I mean - I have so much. I have all of time and space. I have everything I've ever wanted except for him and he has - he has everything he's always had - except for me."

Me wrapped an arm around her shoulder and Clara let herself be held for a few moments. 

"He gave me more than most people are given by another person. How selfish am I to regret not having more."

It wasn't meant as a question but Me answered anyway with a supportive arm still around Clara.

"You're the same kind of selfish everyone is. We can't always control how we love someone. I'd go centuries holding true to my vow to keep others away and then I'd meet someone who would slip past all my defenses."

"If I don't see him again for centuries he might not have that face. I told him -"

Clara stopped because if she kept quiet and if the Doctor never remembered her next comment would be her secret forever. Me said nothing and when Clara spoke again it was in a whisper.

"I can't tell you what I said. But I said it to him, his face. I love all of him but it's that face I want to see again, that face I want to touch."

The sun dipped deeper into the sky and when Clara closed her eyes she could remember how his face looked bathed in the fading sunlight. They sat there until the stars came out and after they admired the view Me led them back to the TARDIS. 

That night Clara fell into the closest thing to sleep she'd experienced since walking into the extraction chamber on Gallifrey. Her body went still for several hours and her mind drifted from one hazy thought to another. When the emotional exhaustion started to wear off she went looking for Me in order to apologize for her recent behavior. She found her in the control room and immediately knew something was off. Me glanced over at her but glanced away before they could make contact. 

There was a nervous energy to the air and the monitor that showed the diner exterior was off even though they always kept it on. Even on planets where diners never existed if they stayed in one spot long enough they attracted guests. They were usually able to wait it out until the guests left. Sometimes they needed to fight off someone causing damage and on rare occasions they honored the exterior shell of their new home and fed a lonely soul a slice of pie. The TARDIS turned out to be an excellent baker and there was always a fresh, warm cherry pie behind the counter when there needed to be. 

After it was obvious Me was visibly restraining herself from looking at the blank monitor Clara walked over and turned it on. She only needed to stare at it for a second. One second to see the very familiar tall figure who stood at the counter.

"What have you done?"

"What you wouldn't."

Clara spun around to glare at her and Me's calm demeanor made her even more upset. 

"What I can't. What the hell have you done? This isn't right. We're leaving. Right now."

"Clara -"

"NO. You had no right to do this. You know why this can't happen."

"Hello?"

They turned towards the door that led into the diner and heard another "Hello?" come from the other side of it. 

Clara lunged for the control panel but Me got there first and blocked Clara's path.

"Go out there. Do what you have to do so we can leave here and you can actually move on this time."

Clara gritted her teeth in frustration. 

"I can't."

"You can."

In a heated moment like that the absence of her heart pounding in her chest felt strange and made her panic even more. But from the second she saw the Doctor standing there Clara knew she would only be able to resist going to him for so long. That did not make her any happier with her traveling companion who was met with a hard stare before Clara turned to the door.

"When I get back in here we are going to have a long talk about this."

Clara carefully opened the door into the diner and shut it before any part of the control room could be seen. Unable to make her feet move once she was in the same room as him she cleared her throat. 

The Doctor turned and smiled when he saw her. It was a smile that went all the way up to his eyes and all the way down to her soul. She could do nothing but smile in return.

"Oh, hello again. I thought I might see you here."

He looked around as if puzzled by something and when he looked at her for longer than a few seconds the puzzlement grew. "But wasn't this diner several miles in the other direction the last time we met?"

It was a struggle to form words and even harder to make them sound normal.

"We move around sometimes. Business has been slow so we're trying to find the customers since they're not finding us."

When he laughed at that truly awful joke Clara almost rushed over and kissed him right then. Instead she walked towards the counter to both keep up appearances and put a barrier between them. She gestured towards the stools but he remained standing and continued to look around. 

"I received a call that someone in this area needed a Doctor. This appears to be the only building in this area. Is everything okay?"

Clara's face tightened and she worked very hard not to look at the door and send a death glare in Me's direction.

"I'm very sorry about that. One of the local teenagers helps me in the kitchen sometimes. As you can imagine there isn't much to do around here so she makes prank phone calls."

Clara knew it was a flimsy excuse but unlike the last time they met she wasn't prepared with a cover story for anything. She wasn't even in her uniform but he didn't seem to notice. 

He raised his eyebrows and stared down at her. If it wasn't already still her heart would have stopped from being the focus of that gaze again. 

"My number is very hard to find."

"She gets very bored and is much too resourceful for her own good. I promise to have a talk with her."

"But she said Doctor which means -"

Clara loudly cleared her throat. 

"Do you like pie?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Pie? Do you like it? Cherry pie specifically."

His visible confusion grew but there was also a weariness to his look. 

"I'm not sure I've ever had it."

She smiled big and bright and put on her best waitress voice.

"You're in luck! I've got one here fresh out of the oven and we have the best in town."

His smile was teasing as he finally sat down on a stool.

"I have the impression you have the only pie in town - and that this diner is the town."

She laughed and it felt so good to do that with him that it lingered in her voice. 

"That still means we get to call it the best."

Clara cut him a slice and placed it in front of him along with a fork. He studied it for several long moments and and she studied him. His hair was roughly the same length as it was the last time she saw him and he was having a good day as far as managing the curls. The features of his face and blue of eyes were so much sharper in person than her imagination was ever able to manage. Best of all was that he wore the red velvet coat she loved so much. As she tried not to stare too hard he finally took a bite of the pie and nodded in approval.

"I now get to call it the best cherry pie I've ever had."

"Enjoy and let me know if you want other - unless you can't stay long."

He glanced at the clock on the wall and back at her. Their eyes met for a beat too long and she saw something at the back of his gaze that almost sparked into a deeper recognition before his eyes grew cloudy.

"I can't stay too long but I'm not in any immediate hurry. Are you sure though that there's nothing I should be concerned about? Have you experienced anything unusual lately? Anything at all seem amiss?"

Clara slowly shook her head and pretended to think about the question.

"No. It's been a very average week of seeing very few people at all."

"That sounds very lonely."

She shrugged and leaned her elbows on the counter to move a little closer to him.

"I don't mind it. What about you? Still traveling alone?"

He took a large bite of his pie and a small piece of cherry got stuck to the corner of his mouth. Clara grabbed a napkin and resisting the urge to wipe it off herself she handed it to him.

"Right now I am. I had a friend with me for awhile but right before I got this call I left her to settle into her new home."

Clara tried not to look or sound too curious with her next questions.

"Is she okay? Did you have a falling out?"

The Doctor scraped at the pie filling on the bottom of his plate.

"She's fine. We were very far from here or anywhere she'd ever been and she fell in love with that place. She wanted to stay so we said our goodbyes. It was unexpected but the life I lead isn't for everyone. Some people like to travel for awhile but then they realize they want to spend the rest of their life waking up in the same place."

"I will never understand those people."

"Me neither."

They looked at each other with matching broad smiles and in that moment Clara fell in love with him all over again. It was hard to tell what he felt or what sort of memory, if any, was attached to it but it settled something in Clara that whoever she was to him he still looked at her like that. 

"It's nice to see you again. I didn't think I would be back this way again but I've remembered our conversation. You were a great help during a confusing time. I even found my TARDIS right after leaving - though actually it is a little strange because I don't remember leaving. I just wasn't inside anymore."

Clara knew the Doctor to be someone who didn't handle being confused by anything and could only imagine that the blocker continued its job in ensuring that his brain couldn't connect everything that pointed to Clara.

"It's the desert. It does strange things to your mind. I was hoping you'd return some day. You left your shades and I've been keeping them safe."

She withdrew them from behind the counter. He didn't need to know that she used them as her own sonic device and it was only right to return them if he still wanted them. He looked at them when she placed them on the counter and shook his head. 

"You can keep them. I've gone back to my old style."

Clara did her best to hide her sigh of relief as she slid them closer to her. Without thinking she put them on and smiled. 

"What do you think?"

He leaned back to get a get a better look and she saw that look in his eyes that indicated the parts of his brain that wanted to think Clara when they saw her were straining against everything preventing that. 

"For a second you looked like someone else but I'm not sure who."

Even after all that time and all the peace she'd made with their decision it made her heart sink to hear him say that. 

"I've been told I have one of those faces."

She removed the glasses and poured them both a glass of lemonade.

"If you're still not in a rush I'd love to hear about your travels since we last met."

They talked so long that the sun was setting by the time Clara ran out of questions and he ran out of stories. As the room grew darker and the silence between them grew comfortable Clara knew it was time for him to leave. The Doctor cleared his throat and slid off the stool.

"I should be going."

"Of course. Thank you for staying as long as you did."

"It was my pleasure."

His voice was painfully soft as he said that and Clara risked a glance at him. He looked away as soon as she did and she bit back a sob. 

"I don't know where we'll move next but maybe you'll find us again somewhere else some day."

"I'd like that."

He started to move towards the door but abruptly stopped and turned around.

"I didn't pay you and I don't have my guitar with me."

She shook her head.

"You don't owe me anything."

Clara watched him walk away and as he opened the door it hit her why he was there. Me had brought them together for one reason and Clara was so used to that reason being something they walked away from she almost let it happen again. She ran to him and pulled him back inside. 

Without looking at him too closely or saying anything Clara reached up and touched her lips to his. The Doctor immediately jumped back and Clara silently cursed herself. It should have been the obvious outcome given that he wouldn't do it when he knew who she was and had enough clues how she felt. Clara started to apologize but before she could get any words out, the distance between them faded to nothing and his mouth was on her's. Their arms wrapped around each other as they pressed into the kiss. No amount of dreaming about it prepared Clara for what it felt like to actually kiss the Doctor. It started out soft and gentle and in between pauses for air became desperate and hungry. Her hands dug into his back and his fingers tangled through her air as they poured lifetimes of kissing into those brief stolen moments. 

When they finally stopped the Doctor rested his forehead against Clara's and she clung to him with her eyes shut tight. If she looked at him that closely while the feel of his mouth was still burned on her's there would be no letting him go no matter the risks. It wasn't until he pulled away that she allowed herself to open her eyes. It was dark but his eyes shined bright and there was something more to how he looked at her than there'd been before. Clara wouldn't let herself think he recognized her but if he did he still nodded a goodbye and walked out the door unstopped by her. It was best for both of them that no words were exchanged and the silence was broken by the faint sound of his TARDIS dematerializing in the distance. 

The stars were out when she finally left the diner exterior and walked back into the TARDIS. Clara buzzed from the feel of him and her heart was so full of emotions she felt alive. Me stood waiting at the navigation controls.

"Ready?"

Clara nodded.

"Ready. And it's my turn to pick since you brought us here."

Me backed away and they shared enough of a look to reestablish peace between them. Clara was too thankful for what she had been given to begrudge that Me surprised her with it. She quickly plotted their next course and smiled as they left that desert location one more time. 

There were whole galaxies still to explore and she was ready to see them all. If those journeys came to involve the occasional detour back to that desert or maybe another on some far off world she would hope for him to find her again. Maybe the next time she'd be prepared and figure out how to tell him the adventures she'd been on. Maybe there would be another spark behind his eyes and he could remember and it wouldn't ruin them. Or maybe they'd share a slice of pie and maybe a kiss and she would continue back to her end, still headed there the long way around and with even more beautiful memories of him.


End file.
